Monday, August 8, 2011

Help with a situation, please?

Ok..so here goes, while I was in Texas, I met a girl that I was goin through training with. "Sarah". So, I met "Sarah" and we started texting. I started doin' my thing about how I thought she was cute and whatnot. So, we leave Texas, me and "Sarah" knew we were already going to the same place and that it would only be a short while until we could hang out again. So, I got here, we got back in touch. She'll come over and we'll watch movies and whatnot. Without any sexual undertones. So two days ago, we start bringing it up right? Well she came over and we messed around but didn't go all the way. ever since that i've been like way super attached..not that I love "Sarah" but I like her. I've actively tried to not to email her 50 times, text her and whatever else. So, now i'm eating myself up inside..I haven't really eatin' in like 2 days..I constantly try to sleep. i'm up front about how I feel and whatever else really but she is not. She hasn't told me much about how she feels, she's just said that she isn't as open as I am, which I can see that. She's told me a lot about her past, she told me that her sister's BF touched and raped her for 2 years.. and she has major trust issues. So I don't know what to think. She'll only answer certain questions. If I ask her two questions like: What movie did you watch today and Want to go grab hot chocolate? She'll only tell me the movie, messed up right? So anyway, she's been runnin' through my mind constantly for the past few days..she's 22..I have no idea how to get control of myself. I don't feel like i'm on a downward spiral but I just feel not in control of myself. I'm a hopeless romantic..I believe in true love. I believe in the sunset walks on the beach, I believe in so many things..but people have lost faith in that and I mention that to "Sarah" and she says its nice but I don't think she believes in it like I do. I just don't get it..Me and "Sarah" exchanged pictures right? Like pictures of no clothes on..so then she comes over the next night and I spend almost an hour having oral sex with her...then we layed down and fall asleep, "Sarah" use to keep clothes and all to change into once she came over to be more comfortable, so she grabs these clothes and we kiss, whatever and leaves the other night after and i've been trippin' ever since that. How can she say she doesn't trust me? I almost feel like I got used...which is probably what the deal is..I just don't get it. I don't think i've ever felt like this before. Yesterday I was sittin' at work with her and I seen her instant messaging her sister and her sister asked her if she had heard from "him" and she said that she has sent him a couple emails but she hasn't heard back from him and then her sister said "no bad thoughts ok"? So i'm thinkin' that she has something goin on with either someone here or someone back home..I just hate to be that 3rd wheel sometimes. Most of the time if I get into a triangle, I take myself out of the picture. I've asked and asked her if she has somethin' goin on and she keeps telling me no. I don't know if she's just keepin' me around because i'm fun to hang out with, if it's somethin' like i'm familiar or what..So then last night I'm just laying in my room, no lights on listenin' to music and I get a text from her askin' me what's goin on..so I didn't have any airtime minutes to text her back so I go over to her place. I had asked her earlier in the day if she wanted to come over, she tells me that she has some things goin on and she couldn't. I get to her place and what's she doin? Watching friends. That's her some things going on. So then i'm thinkin' thats ok..all this mushy sappy **** that i've been spewin' to her is actually leaving a bad taste in her mouth. So today I told her that I'm about done with all of it. So I tell her that i'm cool with kickin' it as friends and if somethin' goes down like messin' around or whatnot, then so be it. that we'll make it fun. I ask and ask her if she wants to come over and kick it, but I haven't gotten anything. It's like she has turned completely different since the other day. Then today she tells me on Yahoo IM that I would probably be the best thing that ever happened to her..any help??

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